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Archive for April, 2012

I would like to start my blog with an apology to all of the people who religiously read up on my progress and also take a keen interest in my studies and the ups and downs of my day-to-day life at the Bolshoi Ballet Academy. The huge gap between this blog and my last one has been far too long! I have to be honest and tell you all that I am quite nervous about writing this entry as I have had a few up and down moments over this past couple of months and I feel that if I finally write them down then it will make them more real in my mind, and they won’t just be silly thoughts that I can disregard and push to the back of my mind and forget they ever happened.

To explain… I have not been dancing for a month now due to a nasty fall which occurred between my partner and I in pas de deux class, which left him very distressed and me… well, shocked, stunned, upset and inconsolable. I was unable to put weight on my foot for one week (as I thought) and was subsequently off dance for the rest of the month. At first I feared the worst, but luckily I was diagnosed with no broken bones, which was the doctor’s first initial thought, but I did suffer from a nasty sprain plus ligament and muscle damage. I don’t think at first I quite realised the extent of the injury as I was in such shock with the thought of looming exams and an injury. I was seriously concerned as to what was going to happen. I was under the impression that after one week I’d be back to good old Hayley Stobo and be dancing and jumping around again, but I had a huge panic set in as a further two weeks later (longer than expected for me) I tried to return to class and attempt a little barre work and I was completely unable to point my foot! I was immediately sent back to the doctor and after some reassurance I was given further appointments with the physio within the academy. I have been attending every day since, receiving a treatment called “magnetic therapy ” which is when mini magnetic vibes are passed through my foot as a way to induce muscle repair and to give the natural healing process a little kick in the right direction to speed up the healing process. The good news is that there is no lasting damage and I will eventually be 100% fit again, but it needs time to heal.

This injury could not have come at a more crucial time as I am sure all of you ballet bun-heads out there are aware that “summer months” = “exam period ” and by God Bolshoi have a list of exams at the ready for me to complete before finishing in May! I am so determined to get through these exams and completely give my all (what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger) and I feel that if I sit in a corner crying every time my body has a problem then I may as well not be in this industry! Injuries are something a dancer has to learn to deal with, and I am not going to lie to you – yes it has been a tough time and yes Russia has provided me with more injuries than I have ever had in all my years of dancing, but I am looking forward with a positive attitude and the more I conquer now the stronger my body will become and the less I will suffer as a working dancer in my future career. It is best to endure injuries when you are in your training years, as injuries are there as a large learning curve and help mature you in the sense that you will feel and listen and understand your body more when dancing and have the capability not to make mistakes that will result in injury, and have the knowledge to know what to avoid in the future.

On a lighter note (slightly) I am proud and also saddened to inform you that this year Natalie and I where once again privileged to be chosen to dance a Persian modern dance piece that was choreographed for us by Russian choreographer and artistic Director, Andrei Alexandrovich Melanin. Diego and Alex were also chosen to perform this piece alongside us, and once again it was to be performed at the “Praktica Concert “. This is the second year in a row that Natalie and I have been chosen to perform in the school show and this was such a huge compliment to us both and something we are both very proud of. The down side to this achievement is that we never actually got to perform due to my injury. My ballet teacher did try to find a replacement dancer for the piece so that the others could enjoy the experience but in the end she felt there was no other dancer within the class with similar style of movement to Natalie and I, and so the piece was withdrawn from the show. I felt like the worst friend and performer because although my injury was not my fault, I feel as though I completely let the group down and I would have done anything to get up there with them and give it our all. If I could have gone back in time – but it was not meant to be.

I find as I am getting older (maybe it’s a maturity thing) that it’s really hard not to dwell on bad luck. I feel that when I was younger, things didn’t seem to matter as much, but when you are 18 years old reality kicks in – especially when your career means the world to you and you are living in another country away from family and friends. I tend to hold most worries and thoughts in my head until I can see the people who matter and can speak to them in person. It’s a lot of anxiety to bottle up, especially when you’re not home for long periods of time. Unfortunately, the nature I have tends to allow things to eat away at me and when something is so important to me I get really caught up in the negatives instead of picking myself up straight away and thinking “…you know what, worse things could happen so be positive and get on with it!”

Due to all this negativity, my injury and just down right bad luck, I allowed everything to pile on top of me and my system gave up and I became ill. My mum and I decided a week home to Scotland to recharge would be beneficial, so once again I got off the plane in Scotland and it was straight to the hospital to get sorted. This time though it ended on a positive note; after I spoke to the doctor it was found that the tablets I had been provided with in the past for recurring illness were the incorrect type and the doctor said it was no wonder that they were not helping in any way! I was finally prescribed new tablets and after a few days the temperature was down and the infection within my body was slowly leaving. All I can say to you all is that I certainly do not do things by half! But on a serious note it was the best decision to go to a hospital at home and have some quality time with my mum, even if it was just for a week, because I am now feeling 100% better and  really looking forward to getting through my exams.

I hope I haven’t left you feeling that I have gone into a dark place that I am unable to find my way out of. Sometimes life kicks you when you are down, but it’s your decision whether you get back up and fight your corner, and I will do that every time for what I  love to do. I want you all to know that I am back to Hayley Stobo and until my final dance exam in   May my work commitment and mature head will once again be screwed on and no one will be able to stop me in my tracks! Unfortunately my body has stopped me (just for a short while) from doing what I love most but I feel now is my time to shine and I am going to do my utmost to get to the level of dancing that I am proud of by summer!

I cannot explain to you quite how much I have recently wanted to crawl into a little ball and not have any contact with human life, but I knew that was not the way to deal with things and I have always been a fighter! It’s hard having niggles and doubts that put your mind and body into overdrive, but who would we be as people if we weren’t tested every so often?

Life is about growing and learning and my first 2 years in Russia has provided me with life lessons that I would never have  imagined! I am thankful for all the bad things that have happened but also for the good that has often followed. I know one day I will look back on this experience and say “I bounced back every time something negative or scary came along and I coped with the best of my abilities.” If I can say that then I will be one very proud girl! I believe that if everything is handed to you on a plate then you will never really appreciate what it feels like to do things on your own and the feeling of success when you achieve what you set out to do. I’m not saying that people are not entitled to a guiding hand along the way, but if I am able to get through my exams and my final year at Bolshoi Ballet Academy then itt will be my greatest achievement in life. And to know that I have done all this hard work myself – now that will be the greatest feeling beyond belief, one that could not even be described!

So my dear bloggers, my final exams continue over these next 6 weeks and it’s going to be hectic, stressful and above all such a good feeling of achievement when they are done so wish me luck! I am looking forward to writing a more upbeat blog next time and I promise it will not have as much of a gap as previous months.

Until then bloggers 🙂

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